She has this entirely new set of covenants she's made with herself. Something about being ever-merciful, patient, loving, kind and compassionate. When she's not, which is quite often, she is in misery.
This misery is the 'pointer' to return home to her heart.
Embracing her brokenness, she feels everything-- but most of all lonesome. Facing this emptiness sure feels real, like a bottomless pit she's being tossed into, with someone yelling 'TRUST!!' On her way down she might remember a bible verse or two, grasping onto anything that resembles a lifeline.
This doesn't feel brave she tells herself, it just feels, um, like, um...shit.
Scary shit filled with resentment and questions, lots of unanswered ones.
Why do people suck is the main one.
Fortunately, she must teach a class and needs to get clear enough to hold space for others and not project this unresolved emotional drama onto the unsuspecing and wide-open yoga students. These people trust her. And so with this thought, she steps into faking trust and steadfastness until it feels real.
She's in this partnership with the Spirit of the living God. And his side of the covenant is to conform her to His likeness. And so when she's filled with all her undesirable, very human emotions causing deep suffering, He asks her to trust and surrender them...NOW. In an attempt to be obedient, she wipes her tears and just lets go. Just like that she chooses to not be angry and falls sound asleep.
When morning comes, her connection is newly aligned.
God was there in the darkness-- even thougth she couldnt see or feel him.
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