Westboro Baptist, Eye-Gazing + #demsinPhilly

Why would a Christian Yogi Mama head into Philadelphia amidst the crowds of Bernie or Bust supporters carrying her hand-made sign displaying–

We are already connected

Look into my eyes and see

Well, not to face down  the infamous, vemon-spewing  cult, Westboro Baptist, that’s for certain. But when I found myself in 93 degree sweltering heat, it was nothing compared to the hellfire and damnation being shouted from the guy with the mic.  I had never seen or heard anything like this, let alone in the name of Jesus.

Smiling,  I kept my cool, looked the speaker’s sidekick in the eye and mouthed– read my sign.

His not so cool reply? “Get outta hear you fake, effin b*tch!!”

In my best Robert DeNiro from Taxi Driver impression I replied, “You talkin’ ta me?” pointing at my own chest.  His eyes were hidden behind his Maverick mirrored aviators  but his mouth continued to threaten my eternal torment in the nether regions because of my wretchedness and sinful nature.

As others willingly gazed into my eyes nearby, we held agape, peaceful space in a silent connection lasting about a minute each. It felt all the more like necessary resistance as the screaming continued right next to us.

A total of 15 strangers took me up on my somewhat odd offer, saying they’d never done anything like it before but two men had heard of the artist Marina Abramovic’s installation at MOMA a few years back.

Each participant thanked me, hugged me and found the practice quite curious as well as emotionally  moving.  My hope is to continue to offer the eye-gazings as a healing effort toward improving race relations.  In prisons, private sessions, and yoga communities I’ve witnessed intense releases and some transforming of deep pain.

On my way through my City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection, I had this incredible sense of everyone’s innate beauty as I drove past all manner of humanity.  Suddenly the thought of the Westboro Baptist guy’s pain came into my heart and I imagined that he must only see us as ugly, dirty, and worthless. He must be projecting his inner demons and self-hatred onto us.

Then I wept.

As I prayed for this man to find peace in God’s redeeming love, the Holy Spirit assured me that he’d be visited and told from on HIGH to quit his hate and fear-mongering. I will never know if this actually comes to pass, but the confidence I received that our every small effort to radiate love and light is multiplied, returned my smile to my heart.

We each have the power to turn on our inner radiance and share and shine in whatever way makes us feel that interconnectedness to our fellow citizens. From this evening at the DNC–Let’s be the moral defibrillators of our time and shock the nation with the power of love, mercy & justice for all, Rev. Dr. Barber.
 Or as Billy Penn said, “Men must be governed by God or they will be ruled by tyrants.”  

A few friends have participated in a similar activity you can see here http://www.eyecontactexperiment.com

You are the hands, feet, voice and heart of the Living God…be brave!!

Separation is a LIE

Back in May 2015 I was signed up for a weekend training in NYC with Phoenix Rising Yoga therapy.

The day before I had the thought "I Love learning new things; especially about yoga!" and suddenly a new deeper thought came in-- 'This isnt about learning dear. This is about healing."  Woah!!  What have I got to heal?  Haven't I done enough deep work during the 8 months of yoga teacher training I completed in Novemebr?  Such a silly girl-- there is ALWAYS more to heal.

Upon arrival our very first partner activity is gently placing two fingers on one another's heart- front and back.  As Lea's hand approached my sternum, I felt as if she had to push through a dense block to reach me.  After a few minutes of silence and breathing together, she is  instructed to slowly remove her hands from me. 

I instantly burst into tears. We have only just begun and there are two more days ahead of us.

I go home and sleep like a rock for over 10 hours, missing my alarm.  Arriving late to class, I apologize and explain that emotionally I do not feel up to partner work and will observe for awhile.  Within 45 minutes I am curled in a ball on the floor and back asleep!!

Suddenly, I am awakened crying and feeling ashamed.  I glance around the room and see everyone assisting one another in hip-openers. They are rolling and stretching one another and no one is crying.  I hear in my spirit 'The hips hold shame. Release your shame'.  I yell in head -- You are not even experiencing a hip stretch!!  How in the world are you the one releasing shame??

The crying stops. The emotion passes and we take a lunch break.  I head outside to take in the hustle and bustle of New York's Soho neighborhood.  I find a tasty Indian spiced potato flatbread and chow hungrily.  I am awake, alive, grateful and open.

The afternoon continues uneventfully and I head back to my friend's house on the other side of Hudson.

Sunday morning and I had almost forgotten I would awaken in a strange bed on Mother's Day. I am filled with sadness missing my mom and my children.   But my friend had very thoughtfully been prepared this might be the case and greets me with flowers and a card!  I am verklempt. 

Heading back into the Big Apple, I feel mature and excited for our final hours together.  Living in South Jersey and mostly working from home, I don't enjoy these adventures often enough I decide.

It's now about 5pm and we are just a few hours away from finalizing our level 1.  We are instructed while sitting cross-legged, to close our eyes and imagine being divided in half, top of head to seat.

My eyes fly open and I am filled with terror as I had felt my body violently sliced in half with a huge machete. I look around. No one else seems bothered.  I wait, feeling anxiety rising.

The teacher wraps up and asks if anyone has any feedback.  I say with a tremor in my voice what just happened.  I then begin to lose sensation in my hands so I stand up and begin shaking them, hard. 
The tears come hard and fast and I almost hyperventilate but then return to focus on deep inhales and slow exhales. I say I am ok now and retreat to the ladies room for some water and rest.

As the months have passed since that experience, I have contemplated numerous times what my body was releasing and relaying.  My birth father visited me once in the hospital Novemebr 5th 1965 and I never saw him again after that day.  I believe there was a part of my psyche that believed it had been ripped from him.

This part was integrated back that day relaying the message that I am healed, whole and fully connected.

God wants the body to function efficiently and effectively in unity. Therefore, what happens to one part, or what one part does, affects the whole. What we do does indeed make a difference because we are individual parts of a living, spiritual organism. Our actions will produce an increase of good or evil, efficiency or inefficiency in the use of spiritual resources, effectiveness or ineffectiveness. For me personally, the practice of YOGA (union, yoking) has been key in healing abandonment trauma.

To understand this, perhaps we need nothing more than a deeper awareness that, despite the way things may presently look on the surface, our worldview – how we look at life and all its jumble of events – is quite narrow compared to God's.  We are not separate from God now or ever. Just as we cannot disconnect from our own arm, we cannot sin or feel enough shame to plunge us into eternal darkness.

Isaiah 60:19

No longer will you need the sun to shine by day, nor the moon to give its light by night, for the LORD your God will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.

Once we see things from His perspective, we can see we bear a major responsibility to the body of Christ because God has included us in His great purpose.

Are you spiritually disconnected or knitted into the Body with Christ as the Head?  Actually, this would be a more accurate description --to ask your heart all the ways it has hardened from hurt and surrender to resurrected Love preparing a space in you for something new to be birthed this Christmas.

The Body of Christ has a missing limb

multiply my eyes
so that i might glimpse all their glorious +
ravaged scars
O I see you!!

make me a hundred ears to
hearken sorrow's echo
fervent
through the canyons
O I hear you!!

a thousand arms to embrace
the multitude of plagued + broken
dreams
O how I feel you!

a million feet
to walk a trillion miles
just to hold a single
thorn-pierced heart

the body of christ
revealed in mud--
winged lotus
gracefully blooming
+
dove engulfed
in holy flame


feverish pain
swirling inward
cooled only by
a cyclone of
seashell's
whispers


transforming ashen wreckage
the body of Christ has a missing limb

weary, I
query
my own
tender + brambled belly
If one part suffers, every part suffers 
if one part is honored, 
every part rejoices 

the body of christ
has a missing limb

center-placed palm
stigmata-wound bruised for my iniquities
presses back
compassionate
touch
the body of christ
has a missing limb

one breath separates
suffering
from surrender
submerged then
found
knitted together
womblike
in the hollows

you...your wounds
your story
your limbs
your love
your peace
your voice

you are the missing
limb