awaken to tired
awaken to stuck
drag body to mat
move
breathe
be annoyed with too happy teacher
ask 'why?"
move /breathe some more
make messy shapes
tip over
reach for the sky
energy shifts
i am one
with the universe
i am one
with all the warriors
who
came before
all the teachers
leading
with the intention
to share hearts,
hard fought wisdom,
healing
stepping out on a limb of grace
i
release my grip
+
plummet
into the marvelous
hum of
chaos
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Friday, June 17, 2016
the nest
a group of 10 made strong not by your similarity and commitment to sameness
but by your unique contribution to making the nest's power last
with your promise to do you
your promise to not compromise your voice
your promise to not judge but love when one of you is suffering
your promise to bring light + laughter when there's pain
your promise to put your sisterhood first
which can only authentically take place
when you put your heart first
this lesson in coming back to yourself before offeirng anything
to the group will serve you well
you have seen how you get depleted of your 'you-ness'
when you sacrifice your sense of self
for others
the flow of life begins in your own heart
the flow of love begins in your own truth
the flow of joy never ends
you carry it with you into the world, waiting for you now
arms outstretched...announcing-- take your place
in your earthly home!! bring your shortcomings, your failure, and fear
bring your nervous, your uncertainty and empty...
in this flow your cry out for a place
draws forth the calm, the sense that life is good
even when it feels really bad
underneath the thoughts, emotions and flow of fret
lives a current
deep and true...a place to settle, rest
sometimes it feels like enchantment other times
you will fight your way to peace
demanding through imagination
alone
that love exists underneath the layer of worldly worry
go inside...beyond the storm, the mind's hustle and bustle
you will find a garden
and in that garden
high in oak trees
there you will spy
your NEST
but by your unique contribution to making the nest's power last
with your promise to do you
your promise to not compromise your voice
your promise to not judge but love when one of you is suffering
your promise to bring light + laughter when there's pain
your promise to put your sisterhood first
which can only authentically take place
when you put your heart first
this lesson in coming back to yourself before offeirng anything
to the group will serve you well
you have seen how you get depleted of your 'you-ness'
when you sacrifice your sense of self
for others
the flow of life begins in your own heart
the flow of love begins in your own truth
the flow of joy never ends
you carry it with you into the world, waiting for you now
arms outstretched...announcing-- take your place
in your earthly home!! bring your shortcomings, your failure, and fear
bring your nervous, your uncertainty and empty...
in this flow your cry out for a place
draws forth the calm, the sense that life is good
even when it feels really bad
underneath the thoughts, emotions and flow of fret
lives a current
deep and true...a place to settle, rest
sometimes it feels like enchantment other times
you will fight your way to peace
demanding through imagination
alone
that love exists underneath the layer of worldly worry
go inside...beyond the storm, the mind's hustle and bustle
you will find a garden
and in that garden
high in oak trees
there you will spy
your NEST
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Beautifully Lonesome
She has this entirely new set of covenants she's made with herself. Something about being ever-merciful, patient, loving, kind and compassionate. When she's not, which is quite often, she is in misery.
This misery is the 'pointer' to return home to her heart.
Embracing her brokenness, she feels everything-- but most of all lonesome. Facing this emptiness sure feels real, like a bottomless pit she's being tossed into, with someone yelling 'TRUST!!' On her way down she might remember a bible verse or two, grasping onto anything that resembles a lifeline.
This doesn't feel brave she tells herself, it just feels, um, like, um...shit.
Scary shit filled with resentment and questions, lots of unanswered ones.
Why do people suck is the main one.
Fortunately, she must teach a class and needs to get clear enough to hold space for others and not project this unresolved emotional drama onto the unsuspecing and wide-open yoga students. These people trust her. And so with this thought, she steps into faking trust and steadfastness until it feels real.
She's in this partnership with the Spirit of the living God. And his side of the covenant is to conform her to His likeness. And so when she's filled with all her undesirable, very human emotions causing deep suffering, He asks her to trust and surrender them...NOW. In an attempt to be obedient, she wipes her tears and just lets go. Just like that she chooses to not be angry and falls sound asleep.
When morning comes, her connection is newly aligned.
God was there in the darkness-- even thougth she couldnt see or feel him.
This misery is the 'pointer' to return home to her heart.
Embracing her brokenness, she feels everything-- but most of all lonesome. Facing this emptiness sure feels real, like a bottomless pit she's being tossed into, with someone yelling 'TRUST!!' On her way down she might remember a bible verse or two, grasping onto anything that resembles a lifeline.
This doesn't feel brave she tells herself, it just feels, um, like, um...shit.
Scary shit filled with resentment and questions, lots of unanswered ones.
Why do people suck is the main one.
Fortunately, she must teach a class and needs to get clear enough to hold space for others and not project this unresolved emotional drama onto the unsuspecing and wide-open yoga students. These people trust her. And so with this thought, she steps into faking trust and steadfastness until it feels real.
She's in this partnership with the Spirit of the living God. And his side of the covenant is to conform her to His likeness. And so when she's filled with all her undesirable, very human emotions causing deep suffering, He asks her to trust and surrender them...NOW. In an attempt to be obedient, she wipes her tears and just lets go. Just like that she chooses to not be angry and falls sound asleep.
When morning comes, her connection is newly aligned.
God was there in the darkness-- even thougth she couldnt see or feel him.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
HUMAN MOSAIC
Human Mosaic
Good and evil intertwined in a complicated prism
Each action sending off light and dark into unknown direction
Labeling a human evil- far too easy
Evil is not inherent,
but an uncomplicated label for something quite
complicated
Evil is more an act
Not a human being
A Scarlet Letter emblazoned on the chest of all
Inescapable sin manipulated into guilt and shame
Merely pinning an A in Scarlet
on others is an attempt at removal
of shame on the Self
One's own log must be acknowledged
Before identifying another's splinter
A human being is ever-evolving
incapable of description
By such a simple word
Change, our only constant
Evil, a simple cop-out
A world revealing only two extremes
a world of eternal blandness
Yoga: The Greatest Story Ever Told?
I have a yoga client. I guess you could call her that. She lives at the FDC for a crime I know nothing about. And I don't really care. Let's call her Dee. Dee shared an experience in class today about how she has been practicing with me and several other inmates a couple of times a month since October but honestly, she never really understood what the fuss was about. She had no idea if yoga was just stretching or something more, she just wanted to participate and stay active.
The women at the FDC are stuck in a high-rise in center city and NEVER, I repeat, NEVER get outside. They eat, sleep, exercise and exist on one floor of a 10-story building. They have a rec-deck on the third floor where they can see the sky out of the top of a two story space, the top 10 feet of which, is covered in bars. A slice of sky and a few birds flying in several times a day-- that is the extent of their experience with nature while doing their time. It breaks my heart.
I am fortunate to offer a chance to embody a yogic connection once a week. If you have never practiced, I would describe yoga as the chance to merge with the DIVINE alive inside of you, inside each and every one of us. I leave only hoping that other than relaxation, yoga (more on this later) will work its magic in its own time. Today was one of those moments as Dee shared, that I recognized as life-changing or magical, for her and of course, for me.
Dee told us that the day before as she bent over to tie her shoes, she was overcome with the wave of an awful memory of her abusive boyfriend's face and denigrating attitude. Dee was filled with just a moment of self-loathing that after a year of daily exercise, maybe she had not come that far after all. You see, every time she would simply tie her shoes in front of him, he would remark that she was fat and worthless and continue 'just look at you, all out of breath just from bending over'. She took to tying her shoes in a room wherever he was NOT.
Well, on this day, in this moment, she acknowledged the old feelings of shame and looked them straight in the eye and then took a deep breath. Within that breath, she held a new voice, a new memory. It was of me telling her to just exhale and go a little lower, a little deeper into the expression of the pose. As she folded over to tie her shoe, she exhaled and within that place of surrender, she felt a new emotion arising:
WORTHINESS
Dee told us she had never felt such a strong sense of worthiness emanate from her own body before. She often hated her body but on this day, she loved what her body was relaying in no uncertain terms: YOU ARE ENOUGH. Her tears seemed to mix with our tears as we acknowledged the truth in her exclamation, "I feel like I finally know what yoga is about and for".
I can't help but notice that in all the articles we read about yoga's benefits and life-changing qualities, one could just as easily replace the word "yoga" with "G O D".
-Yoga is making me a better mother, friend, daughter and wife
-Yoga has been a savior to reduce my stress and relieve my anxiety
-Yoga helps me feel more connected to myself and others and less depressed
-Yoga helps me manage my eating disorder
-Yoga eases my desire for my drug of choice and has impacted me staying clean
Some people say going to yoga feels like going to church. Again, I will repeat, your yoga practice is meant to connect your mind, body and spirit in a way that God meant for us to operate. Out of wholeness and connection to our authentic self, we know, REALLY KNOW how much we are loved, how we could never do anything to separate us from G O D. That which we are desiring, is desiring us. What are you yearning for?
The women at the FDC are stuck in a high-rise in center city and NEVER, I repeat, NEVER get outside. They eat, sleep, exercise and exist on one floor of a 10-story building. They have a rec-deck on the third floor where they can see the sky out of the top of a two story space, the top 10 feet of which, is covered in bars. A slice of sky and a few birds flying in several times a day-- that is the extent of their experience with nature while doing their time. It breaks my heart.
I am fortunate to offer a chance to embody a yogic connection once a week. If you have never practiced, I would describe yoga as the chance to merge with the DIVINE alive inside of you, inside each and every one of us. I leave only hoping that other than relaxation, yoga (more on this later) will work its magic in its own time. Today was one of those moments as Dee shared, that I recognized as life-changing or magical, for her and of course, for me.
Dee told us that the day before as she bent over to tie her shoes, she was overcome with the wave of an awful memory of her abusive boyfriend's face and denigrating attitude. Dee was filled with just a moment of self-loathing that after a year of daily exercise, maybe she had not come that far after all. You see, every time she would simply tie her shoes in front of him, he would remark that she was fat and worthless and continue 'just look at you, all out of breath just from bending over'. She took to tying her shoes in a room wherever he was NOT.
Well, on this day, in this moment, she acknowledged the old feelings of shame and looked them straight in the eye and then took a deep breath. Within that breath, she held a new voice, a new memory. It was of me telling her to just exhale and go a little lower, a little deeper into the expression of the pose. As she folded over to tie her shoe, she exhaled and within that place of surrender, she felt a new emotion arising:
WORTHINESS
Dee told us she had never felt such a strong sense of worthiness emanate from her own body before. She often hated her body but on this day, she loved what her body was relaying in no uncertain terms: YOU ARE ENOUGH. Her tears seemed to mix with our tears as we acknowledged the truth in her exclamation, "I feel like I finally know what yoga is about and for".
I can't help but notice that in all the articles we read about yoga's benefits and life-changing qualities, one could just as easily replace the word "yoga" with "G O D".
-Yoga is making me a better mother, friend, daughter and wife
-Yoga has been a savior to reduce my stress and relieve my anxiety
-Yoga helps me feel more connected to myself and others and less depressed
-Yoga helps me manage my eating disorder
-Yoga eases my desire for my drug of choice and has impacted me staying clean
Some people say going to yoga feels like going to church. Again, I will repeat, your yoga practice is meant to connect your mind, body and spirit in a way that God meant for us to operate. Out of wholeness and connection to our authentic self, we know, REALLY KNOW how much we are loved, how we could never do anything to separate us from G O D. That which we are desiring, is desiring us. What are you yearning for?
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Covenant with the imprisoned Goddess
One day she's mired in her own lonesome loser story, misunderstood, destined for an obit that reads,
Anita rarely left her living room couch during the long, dark days of New Jersey winters. No one called- she had told them how much she HATED to speak on the phone, after all. No one visited- she had no tolerance for chit chat. No one texted- their busy lives and jobs and friends didnt leave a lot of spare time. Only she had all this time...time...and more time. This endless stream of the ever-present now felt interminable.
Anita was known for her deep faith and relationship with the Christ. She devoured books on spirituality, always searching for the common threads. One day in particular she read in Rolf Gates Meditations on the mat, 'Perfectly balanced, motionless in a yoga posture, we are able to catch a glimpse of the intersection of energy, matter and awareness...connecting to a deeper reality'. And she nearly shouted AHA! in the corner coffee shop as she realized YES, there it is plain as day-- this statement describes the Christ: that place where fully human and fully divine merge. Where matter and energy are ONE...you know, Einstein's God formula E=MC2.
Anita rarely left her living room couch during the long, dark days of New Jersey winters. No one called- she had told them how much she HATED to speak on the phone, after all. No one visited- she had no tolerance for chit chat. No one texted- their busy lives and jobs and friends didnt leave a lot of spare time. Only she had all this time...time...and more time. This endless stream of the ever-present now felt interminable.
Anita was known for her deep faith and relationship with the Christ. She devoured books on spirituality, always searching for the common threads. One day in particular she read in Rolf Gates Meditations on the mat, 'Perfectly balanced, motionless in a yoga posture, we are able to catch a glimpse of the intersection of energy, matter and awareness...connecting to a deeper reality'. And she nearly shouted AHA! in the corner coffee shop as she realized YES, there it is plain as day-- this statement describes the Christ: that place where fully human and fully divine merge. Where matter and energy are ONE...you know, Einstein's God formula E=MC2.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Mama puts on her oxygen mask first
Mama's peace.
Mama's come to recognize the value and necessity of self-nurturance, and homeostasis.
All the accolades and recognition don't mean a hoot if Mama's mind is on the what's missing piece.
The gradual journey home begins with that eensy weensie brave step toward trusting there's a sun behind those clouds. If confusion and emotions are tossing her about, she must get still and lean in, lean into the pain, grief and fear (you know the place we generally and naturally want to run from?).
Maybe, just maybe she is all alone. And if this is truly the case...no one is coming to rescue her, no one is going to turn on a light in the dark, or dry these tears. No distraction, sugary dessert, cocktail or habit is going to make her gray sky blue.
She might just find herself tethered to her own sweet soul.
Mama's come to recognize the value and necessity of self-nurturance, and homeostasis.
All the accolades and recognition don't mean a hoot if Mama's mind is on the what's missing piece.
The gradual journey home begins with that eensy weensie brave step toward trusting there's a sun behind those clouds. If confusion and emotions are tossing her about, she must get still and lean in, lean into the pain, grief and fear (you know the place we generally and naturally want to run from?).
Maybe, just maybe she is all alone. And if this is truly the case...no one is coming to rescue her, no one is going to turn on a light in the dark, or dry these tears. No distraction, sugary dessert, cocktail or habit is going to make her gray sky blue.
She might just find herself tethered to her own sweet soul.
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