Yoga: union of mind, body and spirit. I feel better connected to God and others when I operate out of a place of wholeness and have recently had a MAJOR aha! There must be Divinity in ALL of me-- my body has an innate wisdom to communicate, I use my mind to learn and problem solve and my heart/spirit guides me in ways I can trust but that are not always readily apparent. One important message that came through on my mat recently was "I have found a place of paradox where I can live peaceably. It is there that I am confident I am enough, I know enough and my unique gifts are enough. AND YET, I actually know very little of the larger reality at work.
For most of my 48 years I have ignored the communications generated by my belly pains, tears, goosebumps, hangovers and tiredness...forging ahead with an abundance of ice cream, margaritas and pasta! It seems that after 10 years of regular yoga and meditation practice, I have been regularly receiving communication from the wisdom placed in my physical body. What a revelation that my spirit isnt to be revered above my mind and body. What a confirmation from my main man, JC, that He is the Truth-- Divinity and Humanity co-existing in one being. Herein, lies one of the many similarities between yogic philosophy and Jesus's teachings, but somehow history has separated the two. And not just separated but much of traditional, fundamental Christianity will point to yoga's roots in Hinduism as satanic. It is one of my missions in life to work so that people who are intimidated by trying yoga at a local studio can experience embodying the Divine alive inside each and every one of us. The obvious space is in the local churches!!
I am journeying toward equanimity and respect for each.
I love my body and I love my spirit but there remains judgment about the mind. For many of my students, it seems that most of their criticism is toward their body. As I get older, my mind is challenging me with memory issues and focus. However, I initially pursued a meditation practice to aid in this holistically nearly three years ago and that step was the first in me finding my true calling: teaching yoga and meditation to the incarcerated and now other underserved populations.
Alan Watts says that 'the loss of paradoxical thinking is the great blindness of our civilization' and Father Richard Rohr goes on to say "which is what many of us believe happened when we repressed the feminine side of our lives as the inferior side. It was a loss of subtlety, discrimination, and capacity for complementarity." Each of us houses masculine and feminine energies. May the gentle, compassionate and interconnected in each of us arise and flourish.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Challenge to the anawim (ordinary)
Are you a nobody like me? An ordinary person with a pretty ordinary life and background…
or maybe you have some real juiciness going on, like you could write a book!!
Either way, it's the average Joe and Julie who are being asked to share the good news.
What is the good news you might be asking? Well from my humble perspective this day it's that life is full of paradox and it can all be transformed for not only your highest good but the good of humanity. That what appears to be tragic, painful, and heretical may turn out to be your greatest strength that God wants to use to change and open hearts: first and foremost our own!!
We are being called to release ALL of our pent up emotional "stuff" that is holding us back. How do we do that? Just to name a few: yoga and meditation, creative outlets like writing , music and art.
QUIET, still sacred time where we can tune into our own HEARTS AND GUT…dropping out of the mind chatter and into somewhere deeper that is connected to the rest of the universe. The breath can take you there…or meditating on the ocean.
Listening to the roar and rhythm of the waves crashing, one can sense that when we feel alone we imagine we are like just one drop of salt water in a great sea. We can oftentimes feel insignificant and unworthy. We can suffer a disconnection and feel very, very alone. The great fix for this dreadful sensation? Go inside yourself and enter the spaciousness there. Most of the physical body is made up of empty space, but we feel trapped and suffocated by our own self oftentimes. Why? the mind just won't shut up!!
By getting still, we can begin to sense that all of our pain, all of our shame is not so unlike everyone else's. When we can surrender to what is, that's when the miracle happens. A rush of love, divine GRACE and fullness enters. we are immersed in goodness and compassion and it is ALL inside of us, everything we need. In the spaces between the thoughts, carried on a single breath of life we return to our source. We were created ordinary for an extraordinary purpose. If and only if, we can tap into our connection to all that is and ever was. Our expansion from singular drop of sea water merges into the fullness of the oceans and we are lifted higher than we ever imagined, buoyed by an arising trust in our life's meaning and purpose.
or maybe you have some real juiciness going on, like you could write a book!!
Either way, it's the average Joe and Julie who are being asked to share the good news.
What is the good news you might be asking? Well from my humble perspective this day it's that life is full of paradox and it can all be transformed for not only your highest good but the good of humanity. That what appears to be tragic, painful, and heretical may turn out to be your greatest strength that God wants to use to change and open hearts: first and foremost our own!!
We are being called to release ALL of our pent up emotional "stuff" that is holding us back. How do we do that? Just to name a few: yoga and meditation, creative outlets like writing , music and art.
QUIET, still sacred time where we can tune into our own HEARTS AND GUT…dropping out of the mind chatter and into somewhere deeper that is connected to the rest of the universe. The breath can take you there…or meditating on the ocean.
Listening to the roar and rhythm of the waves crashing, one can sense that when we feel alone we imagine we are like just one drop of salt water in a great sea. We can oftentimes feel insignificant and unworthy. We can suffer a disconnection and feel very, very alone. The great fix for this dreadful sensation? Go inside yourself and enter the spaciousness there. Most of the physical body is made up of empty space, but we feel trapped and suffocated by our own self oftentimes. Why? the mind just won't shut up!!
By getting still, we can begin to sense that all of our pain, all of our shame is not so unlike everyone else's. When we can surrender to what is, that's when the miracle happens. A rush of love, divine GRACE and fullness enters. we are immersed in goodness and compassion and it is ALL inside of us, everything we need. In the spaces between the thoughts, carried on a single breath of life we return to our source. We were created ordinary for an extraordinary purpose. If and only if, we can tap into our connection to all that is and ever was. Our expansion from singular drop of sea water merges into the fullness of the oceans and we are lifted higher than we ever imagined, buoyed by an arising trust in our life's meaning and purpose.
Friday, May 30, 2014
the meadow
enter the meadow
no,
not as wee, insignificant, embryonic you
breathe in
sigh out
now,
Allow your once companionless self
To surrender her germinal trifles
to mother gaia
this essence of yours, odd as it may seem
is as eccentric
as it is N O T dramatic
now,
truly and miraculously
E N T E R
the meadow
no,
not as wee, insignificant, embryonic you
breathe in
sigh out
now,
Allow your once companionless self
To surrender her germinal trifles
to mother gaia
this essence of yours, odd as it may seem
is as eccentric
as it is N O T dramatic
now,
truly and miraculously
E N T E R
the meadow
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
G R A C E, a Name We Can All Adopt
A store clerk looked at my credit card last week and asked, "What does your name mean? Anita? It is so beautiful". I responded that I once knew, but had forgotten… that I would google it.
Apparently, my name means GRACE and I couldn't have been happier to learn or re-learn this little fact. I have always loved that word.
While I was preparing for yoga with the ladies of the Phila. Federal Detention Center (FDC), I decided to research the meaning of many of their names:
Donna- lady
Martina-warrior
Lee- shelter from the storm
Amy- beloved
Michele- gift from God
Gwen- blessed
Stacey -resurrection
I asked them to lie on their backs and after centering through breath to begin to repeat, "I am …fill in your name" and after a few rounds, replace your name with the meaning of your name. I spoke gently of "who" they are when they drop the unhelpful labels (like inmate) and false identities (like criminal). I suggested we practice together in the spirit of honoring how we each share all of those strong and lovely qualities. Then, I explain that in yogic terms how we speak of karma and what you put out into the world will have equal repercussions--like in physics, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. We are taught to be careful and intentionally put out more good than bad into the world!!
But….
Along comes this thing called GRACE to upend this karmic concept; where all of us get a second chance and a third and a fourth. No matter what crime or sin or evil we've committed, we can turn to the Light and allow it to overcome or transform the darkness-- THROUGH GRACE. Yes, it is a radical concept-- Love interrupts the course of our karmic path and redirects us, not just onto a new path but we find we have a new and deeper understanding of who we are in relationship to God and to one another.
My favorite, simple poem is Mary Oliver's :
Pay Attention
Be Astonished
Tell About it
I continue to be astonished that it is by feeling an actual dying "within" the dark wound itself, that energy is released and converted. Especially in stillness, we find we can surrender our wrongs and our trauma. Infinite spirit uses them as raw material to create something new, an original melody meant to be sung in our voice alone. We must die to the sad, same, old tune and awaken to a new song in our hearst. The beloved Maya Angelou passed away last week and left us with her incredible message of love, personal empowerment and yes, transformation. Ms. Angelou said,
I suggest we might try resting in the knowledge that GRACE is personal and For us... Lest we might begin to think that all our effort, all our self-improvement was the reason for our shining, expansive heart.
Apparently, my name means GRACE and I couldn't have been happier to learn or re-learn this little fact. I have always loved that word.
While I was preparing for yoga with the ladies of the Phila. Federal Detention Center (FDC), I decided to research the meaning of many of their names:
Donna- lady
Martina-warrior
Lee- shelter from the storm
Amy- beloved
Michele- gift from God
Gwen- blessed
Stacey -resurrection
I asked them to lie on their backs and after centering through breath to begin to repeat, "I am …fill in your name" and after a few rounds, replace your name with the meaning of your name. I spoke gently of "who" they are when they drop the unhelpful labels (like inmate) and false identities (like criminal). I suggested we practice together in the spirit of honoring how we each share all of those strong and lovely qualities. Then, I explain that in yogic terms how we speak of karma and what you put out into the world will have equal repercussions--like in physics, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. We are taught to be careful and intentionally put out more good than bad into the world!!
But….
Along comes this thing called GRACE to upend this karmic concept; where all of us get a second chance and a third and a fourth. No matter what crime or sin or evil we've committed, we can turn to the Light and allow it to overcome or transform the darkness-- THROUGH GRACE. Yes, it is a radical concept-- Love interrupts the course of our karmic path and redirects us, not just onto a new path but we find we have a new and deeper understanding of who we are in relationship to God and to one another.
My favorite, simple poem is Mary Oliver's :
Pay Attention
Be Astonished
Tell About it
I continue to be astonished that it is by feeling an actual dying "within" the dark wound itself, that energy is released and converted. Especially in stillness, we find we can surrender our wrongs and our trauma. Infinite spirit uses them as raw material to create something new, an original melody meant to be sung in our voice alone. We must die to the sad, same, old tune and awaken to a new song in our hearst. The beloved Maya Angelou passed away last week and left us with her incredible message of love, personal empowerment and yes, transformation. Ms. Angelou said,
“I would like to be known as an intelligent woman, a courageous woman, a loving woman, a woman who teaches by being.”
Back in class it is now 3:15 p.m. and time for final rest for the ladies of the FDC. They recline into savasana and listen as I describe this as one of the most difficult poses because we are left alone to just "Be". There is no one instructing us, no one encouraging, or guiding us any longer. How much self- trust and knowledge have we cultivated to "Be" here? It's brave and vulnerable and totally worth it to stay.
I suggest we might try resting in the knowledge that GRACE is personal and For us... Lest we might begin to think that all our effort, all our self-improvement was the reason for our shining, expansive heart.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Making Me a Channel of God's Peace
Two and a half years ago I attended my first Centering Prayer retreat at the St. Francis Renewal Center with a special group of all ages seeking God's friendship in the stillness. I sat in one of the later sessions of the weekend and began pleading with God:
"I cannot do this on my own. I do not know enough to teach this meditation in the prisons as you've called me. Who am I to go forward in this way- I am a wife and mother and not an expert on this topic, by any means. I don't know enough yet!!!".
Through my shaking and tears, I began to feel God "breathing me"--
like nothing I had ever experienced
as my chest rose and fell--
as if by His spirit moving in me.
And then I very distinctly heard, "Go forward ...you have MY LOVE. That is enough".
I continued to practice almost every day and after a few set-backs and disappointments over the coming 6 months, I was invited to begin teaching a weekly class to the incarcerated men at the FCI. This was a moment of Divine intervention as I traveled by car to NYC with a prison warden I had never met and he agreed to let this inexperienced woman try her hand at teaching in his facility. After a few sessions volunteering with 12 men on average, a second class in the minimum security was added. I was blessed by the honesty and compassion of these men week after week for an entire year. I quickly realized that as I served, I was the one whose heart was expanding and was blessed abundantly.
God had made true on His promise. His LOVE was always enough.
The men often shared how the practice was effecting their relationships with their families. They felt less reactive, more open to believing change was possible and having a more positive outlook on utilizing their time away from their families as an opportunity for personal growth and knowing God in a deeper way.
They were able to connect to their "enough-ness" in a new and consistent way.
In October of 2013 the organization I volunteer with was offered an opportunity to teach the women at the Philadelphia FDC a combination of non-violent communication skills, yoga and meditation. I have been there almost weekly since and again am encouraged at the way that God has healed and opened hearts.
This practice has raised my awareness so that I am choosing which thoughts are helpful and which are hurtful. Because I am choosing to operate wholly much more often, I am choosing love (both for myself and others) and I have found that this has brought me to a new level of self- acceptance and compassion.
The inner journey is now being mirrored in the outer world as I continue to enjoy a strong sense of purpose and meaning, sharing these tools and my personal story. I continue to pray to be emptied for His use, a channel of His peace. I am in the midst of my 200-hour yoga teacher training and doors are being opened each week full of opportunities to share with new, hungry, hurting people.
I pray that I be used well to serve in a way that continues to draw and heal hearts back to Our Creator, where one-ness and peace abide.
"I cannot do this on my own. I do not know enough to teach this meditation in the prisons as you've called me. Who am I to go forward in this way- I am a wife and mother and not an expert on this topic, by any means. I don't know enough yet!!!".
Through my shaking and tears, I began to feel God "breathing me"--
like nothing I had ever experienced
as my chest rose and fell--
as if by His spirit moving in me.
And then I very distinctly heard, "Go forward ...you have MY LOVE. That is enough".
I continued to practice almost every day and after a few set-backs and disappointments over the coming 6 months, I was invited to begin teaching a weekly class to the incarcerated men at the FCI. This was a moment of Divine intervention as I traveled by car to NYC with a prison warden I had never met and he agreed to let this inexperienced woman try her hand at teaching in his facility. After a few sessions volunteering with 12 men on average, a second class in the minimum security was added. I was blessed by the honesty and compassion of these men week after week for an entire year. I quickly realized that as I served, I was the one whose heart was expanding and was blessed abundantly.
God had made true on His promise. His LOVE was always enough.
The men often shared how the practice was effecting their relationships with their families. They felt less reactive, more open to believing change was possible and having a more positive outlook on utilizing their time away from their families as an opportunity for personal growth and knowing God in a deeper way.
They were able to connect to their "enough-ness" in a new and consistent way.
In October of 2013 the organization I volunteer with was offered an opportunity to teach the women at the Philadelphia FDC a combination of non-violent communication skills, yoga and meditation. I have been there almost weekly since and again am encouraged at the way that God has healed and opened hearts.
This practice has raised my awareness so that I am choosing which thoughts are helpful and which are hurtful. Because I am choosing to operate wholly much more often, I am choosing love (both for myself and others) and I have found that this has brought me to a new level of self- acceptance and compassion.
The inner journey is now being mirrored in the outer world as I continue to enjoy a strong sense of purpose and meaning, sharing these tools and my personal story. I continue to pray to be emptied for His use, a channel of His peace. I am in the midst of my 200-hour yoga teacher training and doors are being opened each week full of opportunities to share with new, hungry, hurting people.
I pray that I be used well to serve in a way that continues to draw and heal hearts back to Our Creator, where one-ness and peace abide.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
When He said LOVE your enemies
the enemy within
should not be discharged
after all,
she is your loyal soldier
and wounded healer,
i might add
the lusty dancer in sweat-soaked silk shirt
desirous of …a legion of lovers
is not the adversary
and yes, the courtroom judge outfitted in
flowing black robes
trailing a whispered "how could you?"
behind
even that dummy in the corner
donning dunce-cap
and what about the jealous one
wishing for
high-powered divisions
in which people respond "how high?"
in reply to your--
"JUMP!"
i really love my small, snarky self
when she wants to arm herself with
your daddy and your sisters
into her own battalion
and wishes you would stop sabotaging both... for once
oh how I love her when she attempts to recruit the
extravagant and fanciful
into her service
as if those trappings could penetrate
and seep into
bones
and vessels
establishing residence
like a marigold seed planted
and prepped by the deluge
for spring's blossoming
yes
i surely do love
the enemy within
she's human and fallible,
imperfect and struggling,
participating exquisitely
and rebelling as necessary
i shall simply wrap her
cozily
in a knitted and yes, undeserved
blanket
and quench her
supposed need
for gold stars and purple hearts
with a
perfect
cup
of
tea
Monday, May 5, 2014
volcano love
peak ascending skyward
stable and steady like rooted oaks
hot rocks spewing
temps rise
pink lava flows
as if blood mixed with tears
staining the surface
in a streaming fluid
releasing the pent up "strength"
oozing like ketchup squeezed
from plastic packet
until spent
empty
flattened
one with the earth
absorbed
transformed
sheds cocoon -like protective covering
expands colorful wings
north
then south
east
then west
testing legs
still wobbly
trusts an inner knowing
I can FLY
High as the volcano
beyond the rainbow
stable and steady like rooted oaks
hot rocks spewing
temps rise
pink lava flows
as if blood mixed with tears
staining the surface
in a streaming fluid
releasing the pent up "strength"
oozing like ketchup squeezed
from plastic packet
until spent
empty
flattened
one with the earth
absorbed
transformed
sheds cocoon -like protective covering
expands colorful wings
north
then south
east
then west
testing legs
still wobbly
trusts an inner knowing
I can FLY
High as the volcano
beyond the rainbow
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)